Learn How To Love Yourself

Learn How To Love Yourself. Hey everyone, I hope you are well. In today’s post, I am going to talk about why it is import for you to learn how to love yourself. Back in February, I wrote 5 things I Love About Myself. I’m sure you read a lot of times this sentence: you need first to love yourself. But what does that mean? Is it about getting you a hot chocolate when you are cold? Is it about getting you a new dress when you feel like it? Or Is it doing whatever you want when you want it? Or Is it about putting warm clothes on when it’s freezing outside?

Learn How To Love Yourself

Loving yourself means to learn to treat you like a loving parent would do with his child.

When you are an adult, and I assume you are, you still have an Inner Child inside you. These are your emotions. At that level, you still react like a child of 3-4 years old. Your emotions can not get older or mature. But you can get mature. You can learn how to respect them and how to handle them. You can learn how to take care of this Inner Child.

When you are not aware of your Inner Child, you try to live in an adult world like a 4-year old boy or girl. You feel all alone, afraid of the big nasty world there outside, not knowing what to do, where to ask for help, how to protect you. This is a very difficult way of doing. You will always feel afraid, fearful, doubtful, tired. It is hard to try to survive as a child in a grown-up world. You will feel angry and afraid most of the time and lost.

Why is that? Because nobody takes care of that Little Child inside you.

Let’s say your name is Charlotte. You are 42 years old. Inside you live the little Charlotte. She’s four. When you are busy in the outside world taking care of other people, of business, of getting around, of doing a thousand things every day, the little Charlotte will feel overlooked. When you’re always running to help others, to make sure their needs are fulfilled, you will be exhausted every night and cry in your bed. Sometimes you will get temper tantrums. You will feel very angry without any reason (but still there is one, a big one!).

All these big emotions are attempts from your Inner Child to get your attention.

Imagine you have, besides your children, husband, colleagues, parents, friends, a little four-year-old girl named Charlotte. Nobody ever notices her. Nobody takes care of her. Whenever she tries to tell something and get some attention, you shout to her “Shut up!”. You say “I have to take care of my parents, my work, my husband, my paperwork, my friends, my other children, my house… I don’t have time for you!”

How do you think she will feel? What do you think she will do? First, she will try to get your attention by showing big emotions. She will cry a lot, she will scream and shout, maybe she’s getting aggressive from time to time. You think you’re angry at the outside world, but it is Your Inner Child that is angry with YOU! She’s sad and angry because you don’t care about her! You act as if she doesn’t exist! Nothing is worse than acting as if our Inner Child doesn’t exist. This means trying to live as if WE don’t exist.

The worst feeling in the world is being unloyal to one’s self. Nothing is worse than this!

How many times did we ignore what we felt, to please someone else? How many times did we say to our Inner Child “Shut up, you are not important, the other one is far more important than you are, go away, I don’t want to hear you, I don’t want to see you”? Awful isn’t it? And we do this every time we let come to the desire of the other one before ours.

This little Charlotte inside, what will she do? She will give up after a while. After trying a long time to show her emotions, she will give up. She will get very tired of all this and she will say:” It doesn’t matter, she doesn’t love me, she doesn’t want to take care of me, I’m not worth it”, and she will get depressed.

Of course, you will think you get depressed because of others, because of your work, because of your children, because of your husband or parents. It is nobody’s fault. But you have to learn how to take care of this Inner Child which is suffering from your lack of attention to her.

When, after getting depressed things still don’t change, there’s one weapon left to catch your attention: little Charlotte will get sick. Or she will get an accident. Maybe that way the adult Charlotte will learn to give finally an attention to her Inner Child, which is as real (if not more) as a real child of flesh and blood.

You need to learn how to be a loving parent for yourself.

What does that mean?

First, you need to develop an Inner Mother. If you were lucky and had a loving caring mother, you can take her as an example. Otherwise, you need to invent, to create this Inner Mother, which is your feminine caring energy. Every time you have an emotion, your Inner Mother should ask your Inner Child: “What happens, my darling?” Listen to what your Inner Child has to say. Then you go on with the dialogue. Inner Mother says: “Come here. Come in my arms, I love you as you are. I love you with what you feel.”

Doing that, the heaviness of the emotions will drop pretty much. Then you say these words: “I understand”. These words are very important because most of the time we don’t feel very “normal” having the feelings we have and we try to ignore or suppress them, which makes them heavier. “I understand, my darling, come here in your Mothers arms, I love you.”

Stay with these words and feelings for a while, and then ask:” What do you need?”

Whatever the Child answers, you say: “We will ask this of your Father”.

And here starts the task of your Inner Father, who is there to protect you and to act for you in the outside world. You would never send a four-year-old asking for a raise at work or getting to resolve a conflict at school or with the neighbours, would you? So why do you try it? Send out your Inner Father to take care of whatever you have to do in the outside world. Your Inner Father is your male energy, which enables you to make decisions, to take action, to follow your inner guidance (which is located in you Inner Child, also called Intuition) and to manifest your Child’s desires in the world.

Explaining Things Further…

When your child has a need, for instance, to call someone or to go somewhere to arrange something, imagine that your Inner Child stays at home with his mother who takes care of his feelings (“I understand you’re afraid…”) and that your Inner Father (another part of your being) goes out there to act. Your Inner Father is that part of you which can handle stress, take action, arrange conflicts and all other stuff that has to do with the outside world. If that part is missing because you didn’t have a good model when you were little yourself, you will have to create and develop it.

Of course your Inner Child, Mother and Father are all parts of you. It is all you. It is just a model to understand what is happening inside you and how you can learn to love yourself.

Loving yourself is listening to your Inner Child, taking his emotions seriously, understanding what he feels and taking action in the desired direction. And loving yourself is having this dialogue with yourself every morning when you open your eyes, every evening when you go to bed, and every time you have an emotion.

Loving yourself is building a strong inner connection with yourself.

It is creating your own loving family, inside you. You will never feel alone anymore. You are already three! Call it your Trinity. Wherever you go, from now on you go with your Inner Family. You are not alone, You are loved and you are protected and You listen to yourself and take care of that precious little child that has been waiting for so long to get your attention and love.

This is inner healing.

I hope you enjoy that.

Talk soon!

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  1. I’ve been slowly working on reparenting myself in therapy and I so appreciate these tips. Thanks so much!

  2. This was so on point and beautiful! thanks for sharing 🙂

  3. So important to love yourself so you can love others with your best self. Thanks for sharing!!

  4. I love this. It’s always such an important message.

  5. As a therapist I would agree with so much of this and say one cannot truly love others or receive love until you love yourself!

  6. Well! I needed this. Bookmarking for later reference.

  7. These are good points to think about. Loving yourself and self care is such an important thing.

  8. I always say, adults are nothing but children in big bodies… So important to reflect on our inner self and feed our soul

  9. This is such a wonderful reminder. Our inner voice can be so cruel sometimes.

  10. I absolutely love everything about this post! Self-love is something that wasn’t nurtured in my childhood. I now have been working on it and want this more than ever for each of my children. It’s beyond important!

  11. This is a great reminder!! This is something I don’t think about often as Im consumed with so much else but I need to make time for!

  12. So important! I want to love myself but also teach my kids how to love theirselves.

    1. Self love is truly important!

      1. Roshini says:

        Great post . Loving yourself is so important . Only if you love yourself you can love others and teach your kids to love themselves

      2. Ainsley says:

        I love how you’ve phrased this! It’s so true that we need to be kinder to ourselves

  13. Love this article! Definitely need to put some of these tips into practice!

  14. Feeling so relieved after reading this. Thanks for an inspiring post.

  15. I loved the blog. The way you expressed it is amazing. I personally set resolution of 2020 to be self care and this is much related to that goal. Thanks for sharing this

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